YOU WERE WARNED.
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all i want is your trust
Friday, January 30, 2009
8:15 PM
broken smiles, empty minds, a loss for words, awkward silences. i wish i had the strengh to tell you how much you mean to me, how much your trust means, if you'd just give me some. i wish i had the courage to tell you that i want to help in anyway i can, but i just don't know how. i'm sorry, i'm not a very good advice giver. i'm sorry, i'm really don't know what to do at times. maybe its silly to be thinking about this at this time, but i just can't help wondering. i know you feel really bad, and i do too. i want you to be happy, i want you to be fine. truly. i see through all your lies, and all the words you say to cover up the truth for other people, because i've been through it myself. i know how it feels. but somewhere at the back of my mind, i can't help thinking, that you can't always be in the darkness. you can't always bear this much pain by yourself. it does help a little, if not a lot, to feel the pain but knowing that there are people who still care for you, who still love you even though your broken.
i wish you could know all this. i wish i could tell you, i wish you could tell me what happened. but if you don't want to, its fine really. after all, who am i to force you? i just want to help, that's all. you mean the world to me, and it hurts to see you like this. and i just want you to know that, if everyone else deserts you, i'll always always be here. if you can't find anyone else to talk to, i'll be here for you. i'm sorry if i hurted you, it definitely wasn't on purpose. i just want you to know..
"I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know..."
signed, yours truly♥
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:'(
Thursday, January 29, 2009
6:10 PM
i don't know what to say anymore. there's this rock in my head, blocking everything i've ever known. i'm pushed down by an unknown force, and i can't seem to find my way out of the clouds.
i found this poem a long time ago, somewhere random when i was surfing the net. just wanted to share it with you guys, because its exactly how i feel.
*
i think there is a distance between everyone and me, and most people just don't care enoughto try to cross it.
i wish i had the strength to tell you how much i miss you. i wishi didn't spend my time wondering if it would even make a difference. i wish that this was just another fictional story.
papercuts hurt, but at least they're shallow. (i wish this was only a papercut.)
if only i could tell you how sorry i am. if only i could heal my gashes so that you'd never have to suffer with me again.
this is me saying sorry, saying i miss you. this is me trying to cross the distance, trying to open up, again.
this is me. and i'm sorry if it's not what you want.
frm:
http://amertie.deviantart.com/art/papercuts-and-gashes-106274340what have i done, to be pushed away so harshly? i'm stuck, in the cruelness of reality. i'm lost, in the coldness of the dark. i'm shouting, but no one can hear me. i'm falling, but no one can reach me. what do you want me to say? that i'm hurt? you already know i'm hurt. do you want me to tell you i'm angry? you already know that as well. i don't have anything to say. i just want to know when exactly you decided that it was okay if you broke my heart. & i'm done pretending, so here goes: no, i'm not okay with the fact that you broke my heart. no, i'm not okay with the fact we don't talk anymore. and to top it all off, no- i'm not okay with the fact that i fell in love with you in the first place. people tell me to fight for what i believe in.
but how do you fight for someone when they're gone?i think the only reason why people hold onto memories so tight for so long is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does. It's always been easier to forgive and forget, and yet we'd take great pains just to see a streak of tear slide down someone's cheek, to see her life fall to pieces. why? after everything, i've only got one question thats always going to be unanswered. why? why do we take so much pain in breaking others? when all is said and done, do we never have just the tiniest bit of regret, of guilt? i just don't understand..
"It's not simple, "Moving on"--everyone makes it seem like its easy to do, but what happens when everything around you reminds you of him? What happens when you can't go a day without thinking what he might be doing this second? What happens before you fall asleep? You wonder what you did wrong, and the reason why it ended? But most of all you tear yourself apart with the question."Does he ever think about me?"
signed, yours truly♥
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what is WRONGG
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
6:51 PM
what is WRONG WITH MY LIFE.
has someone got it in for me up there? so whenever i want to TRY and be happy, you land another bombshell on me. what ever have i done to deserve this?! how many more lies must i deal with? i dont know what hurts more. the truth, or the fact that you lied to me. again. if it's not lying what is it? oh, you just FORGOT? something THAT important and you FORGET? or you just didn't bother to tell me. either way. i thought that it might actually be different, that even though my whole life has changed, i can still live it happy. what now. ITS SCREWED UP SO BADLY BECAUSE OF YOU. how do i respect you when you do these kind of things to me? people like you, don't deserve any kind of respect or trust. its wrong to not respect you, but what can i do? i'm not this kind of person. but you force me to be.
There’s a woman crying out tonight, her world has changed, she asks God why. She can’t sleep at night, with all the tears and troubles following her like a shadow. Downtown another day for all the suits and ties, another war to fight. There’s no regard for life, how do they sleep at night? How can we make things right. We are all the same, human in all our ways and all our pains. Let forgiveness wash away the pain. And no one really knows what they are searching for. This world is crying for so much more... i don't know whats good or bad anymore. what's right or wrong. everyone's got their own battles to fight, their own reason for pain. This world, this world is cold. You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care. Your mother's gone and your father hits you, this pain you cannot bear. Your days, you say they're way too long. And your nights, you can't sleep at all. And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more. i wish you were a stranger i could just disengage. get along for a bit, and when my mood changes, just leave you behind. but its not so simple. never a clean break.
i hate my life. and i hate you.
it's me who's got the demons to wrestle now. signed, yours truly♥
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fireworks and firecrackers :)
Monday, January 26, 2009
7:16 PM
WHOA YESTERDAY WAS SOO AWESOME.
ate this really stupid dinner with the grandparents, then we came home and went to set off the fireworks and firecrackers. soo cool! i've never ever actually DONE it before, well i didn't set it off, the guards did but it was still awesome to see it up close. they were HUUGE. like it went up 88 times, and so HIIIGHH!! the very first one we did was so freaky cuz i wasn't prepared at all so when the first one came up, it was like BOOM and it scared the hell outta me. haha. but then it wasn't so bad. i actually wasn't that scared. at least i dared look up long enough to take pictures :D and the last one was SO COOL. they weren't like normal fireworks, they went up one by one and they were like shooting stars except LOUDER. and they went straight up. and some were like a mini bright spinning tornadoes :D
the firecrackers were..WOW. so freaaking loud and it went for 1000 cracks, which took like FOREVER. and then when we were done, people hanged theirs from the second floor, so we couldn't go out and light the next one until THAT was done. my sis was too scared to even come done. but it was freaky. like seriously. then we watched the spring festival show thingy on the tv until midnight. :) love the NEW YEAR SPIRIT here :D:D people were setting off firecrackers and fireworks all through the night. i couldn't sleep properly because of that. :s
anyways. it was fun today. sort of. i think.
went to visit the great grandparents, had lunchh with them and with great aunts and great uncles. got more money :)) haha but i was SO TIREDDD. wanted to sleep half of the time we were on the car, and i got so carsick. :/
i've never forgiven you for that. i doubt that i'd ever. but i am happy. i'm not happy because of you, nor FOR you. i'm happy because i have every right to be, and no one, especially you, can take that away from me. i love you and miss you too sher :)
happy chinese new year to you all, my dears, hope you have a wonderful year<3
signed, yours truly♥
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screw this f'ing place
Sunday, January 25, 2009
12:57 PM
screw this.
why can't i be happy? is it too much to ask? i'm trying, i really am, but its just not working. i hate this place. i hate everything about it. and i hate that thats not true. i hate you for making me miserable. this whole place depresses me. and the rock in my heart just keeps crushing me. everything you do, just makes me mad. when i feel a tear coming, even when i try to control it, the pain doesn't stop. it hurts do you know that.
i dream. i wish. but i know, reality is just that cruel. my mom told me that no one holds the key to my happiness, but myself. and i know that. but its hard to try to be happy when you don't even want to try. i know i need to move on, to accept the truth and just live with it the best i can, but i just don't know how. i don't know why you make me so mad. i don't know why i keep crying. but i hate the fact that i have to pretend in front of you. i hate the fact that i have to pretend FOR you. i hate the fact that you don't know, and never will know how i feel. about anything. i hate the fact, that even though your supposed to be what your supposed to be, you never act like it. i hate the fact no matter how many lies you tell, no matter how many times i cry, no matter how many times i break down, no matter how many lies i have to cover, i have to deal with it. i don't even have a choice.
is it too much to ask, for you just to TRY? and when i have to do all this for you? is it too much to ask, for you just to even pretend?! your acting sucks. i see through all your lies, because the truth is always in front of my face. you don't even know half of what i feel. you never do. how do i say, how to i explain this hurt? how do i tell you that i'm crushed, that i'm breaking down, bit by bit, until all that's left of me is just this mask that i cling onto, afraid of ever letting anyone know my weakness. i stare out the window, just to try and block my thoughts of you and her. do you know how many changes i had to go through? so this is what i'd like to say to you. FCK YOU. YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE SO BADLY. AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT. YOU SAY YOU CARE. PROVE IT. SO FAR, YOU HAVEN'T DONE A VERY GOOD JOB OF IT. IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT US, FINE. SEE IF I CARE. WHY DO WE NEED YOU TO KEEP RUINING OUR HAPPINESS. WHAT IS YOUR F'ING PROBLEM. YOU DON'T KNOW THE FEELING. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD CALLED HURT. CALLED SADNESS. AND I'VE FELT IT ALL. BUT YOU NEVER EVER EVER WILL KNOW.
glad i got that over with. if you ever read this, THAT IS HOW I FEEL. and i don't regret saying it. and thank you soo much alliss. your awesome and i love you so much :)
sherise:
i'm so so sooo sry about what you have to go through.. i just wish everything could be better for you..or at least have a permanent answer.. not just hanging on a thread, and you never know whether it's going this way or that. i know how you feel...but don't let them ruin your happiness okays? you have EVERY RIGHT to feel good and happy, so just ignore them as best you can. at least it doesnt hurt to try yeah? you know you can do it. if you need help, i'm always here for you. i'll always want you to be happy :) stay strong m'dear :) love you forever xxxx
sometimes adults can take advantage of an innocent heart. but we know we're stronger than that. and we can prove it. because we've got each other.
signed, yours truly♥
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promise me
Friday, January 23, 2009
8:26 PM
LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. AGAIN.
:)
happy chinese new year everyonee!!
its weird. it hasn't even been 4 weeks from christmas vacation, and we're going on chinese new year holiday already. then we have a full 2 or more months of NO HOLIDAY :(
anyways. i'm leaving tomorrow. i'll try to post everyday. hope my dad has a decent computer in shanghai :s i looooooove the song desperate by david archuleta. ITS SO AWESOME. i love practically his whole album :) oh and chasing cars by snow patrol :)<3
***
sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore. is there still right and wrong? good and bad? truth and lies? or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, grey. sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. and sometimes things simply catch up to us. [One Tree Hill]
To forget somebody isn't possible.Deep inside, you remember everything.You may not think of them for years at a time but you don't know how to forget.You can recall the way they smiled whenthey were happy and the way their face showed no expression when they couldn't find their way.
i love you.
these three words are said too much. way too easily. it used to mean a promise. it used to mean something more. what is it now? i don't even know. did you really mean it? did you say it because you felt sorry for me? was it really a feeling? sometimes i feel as if i'm in a completely different world from you all. sometimes, i wonder what in the world i'm doing here. i don't belong. sometimes, i feel as though no one on this earth understands me. or at least no one tries. sometimes, all i need is to be alone.
a promise is a promise. no matter how small, how insignificant, how unimportant. i wonder who'd take the trouble to keep mine..
She'd be lying if she didn't miss the jerk that shattered her world, but she'll never admit it.
you see that girl? yeah, her. she seems so invincible right? but just touch her and she'll wince. she has secrets and trusts no one. she's the perfect example of betrayal, because everyone she trusted broke her.
signed, yours truly♥
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Thursday, January 22, 2009
10:10 PM
& i need a reason, to keep believing, that i will find the light..someday..
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chasing cars
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
8:20 PM
Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay hereIf I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
<3<3
sports day today!!!! it was awesome. i did a c grade 100m hurdles, year 400m sprint, javelin and long jump. i guess i did okay. but secondary sports days are the BESTT. you getta do whatever you want (listening to your ipod) and the teachers don't tell you off because "you weren't supposed to bring it". =.= anyways. not much to talk about.
&sometimes you find yourself feeling everything and nothing at the same time.
signed, yours truly♥
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when i grow up i wanna be famous
Monday, January 19, 2009
7:39 PM
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today was awesome. i was so hyper especially in chinese class. well the beginning of chinese class. addicted to the song WHEN I GROW UP by the pussycat dolls. hahahahaha. its just so awesome. and its STUCK IN MY HEAD. so when i came into the chinese classroom, i was shouting, WHEN I GROW UP, I WANNA BE FAMOUS, I WANNA BE A STAR, I WANNA BE IN MOVIES. :) ooh i love music :)
its my life. right now, i love the songs circus by britney spears, when i grow up by the pussycat dolls, chasing cars by snow patrol, snow (hey oh) and dani california both by the red hot chilli peppers :D so awesome THANK YOU ADRIAN FOR RECOMMENDING THEM TO ME :D
oh yahhSPORTS DAY TMRW :)
awesome week. well not really. but kinda ;)
sports day tmrw, math exam on wed, history assessment on thurs, HALF DAY ON FRI. CHINESE NEW YEAR NEXT WEEK. yayz.
i dunno why, i'm in such a good mood today. its scary, really.
18 more days till my bday :) and i still don't know what i want. this is really odd, because i ALWAYS know what i want. maybe..it's just cuz i already have everything i need. but i still feel like something's missing... anyways. this post is reaally random. sry. cya later guys. wish me luckk :)
signed, yours truly♥
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messed up
Sunday, January 18, 2009
2:47 PM
i love these pon and zi cartoons :) so simple, but sweet.
GAHH. this piano exam thing is driving me CRAZYY. i HATE IT. SO MUCH. its so stupid. i have to do grade 7 exam in 3 months. WHO DOES THAT. NO ONE. they all have like a year or at least half a year to practice. do you want me to fail or something?! i'm not superwoman. i don't even LIKE PLAYING PIANO. this whole thing is just ridiculous. and you keep changing it. first, you tell me i have to play it like this. then a week later, you say its probably too hard and change it again. how am i supposed to PRACTICE PROPERLY if i have to practice it a different way EVERY TIME?! the only good thing about this, is that in a year or two, i can finally QUIT. after i finish grade 8 that is. sometimes i like it. yea sure. but not this. i hate it when you imitate my playing. because you CAN'T. you always say i play like this, when i play completely different from you. it just PISSES ME OFF SO BAD. its not MY fault i feel like sleeping everytime i have a piano lesson. what is with you piano teachers?! nag nag nag nag. wtf. just let me play already!! its so hard not to get impatient. not my fault i always think to myself, WHEN IS THIS GONNA END ALREADY. its just so BORINGG. damn. can't wait till the summer. :/
***
i hate you for making me cry. i hate you for never ever being there. i hate you for expecting so much. i hate you for never understanding. i hate you for making me stay up at night thinking of you. i hate you for making me feel unwanted. i hate you for never knowing what i feel. i hate that you make me love you, still. i try not to show it. i try not to show that i care too much. because then i start crying. but that time when i hung up on you, i don't know what happened. the tears just started forming, and fell down without permission. i hide everything inside, because i don't want to feel like i'm weak. but it's unfair. everything you do to this fragile little soul of mine. your never there when i need you the most. you don't even know me. you make me feel guilty when i'm mad at you. you make me feel guilty when i don't want to do the things you want me to do. i hate it when i feel that way. you make me sad when your not there. you make me sad when you break your promises. you make me sad when you say you'll do something, but in the end you never do it. i always have to forgive you. because you do something else to make me happy, even though i never want to. i don't even have a choice. do you know it hurts? when i'm sitting on my chair, with tears streaming down my face, all alone, do you know how i feel?
you make me feel lonely. all the time. when i listen to everyone else's stories, i always feel incomplete. i never ask why. because it's just you. i already found that out. i just wish that you'd know. i just wish that you'd TRY. simply just try. but you don't. you never seem to care. NEVER. all you care about is the things on the outside. you say you care, but you seriously have a funny way of showing it. i'm all messed up inside. and no one knows it but myself.
"So here I am all by myself thinking of you nobody else
There is a feeling inside and as hard as I try it just won't go away
Are you finding it hard it all on your own
Having to face each night alone
Knowing that you are the one with the love that I need
And I miss you more each day."
signed, yours truly♥
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICKI!!!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
10:32 PM
DAMMIT. i always forget these things. i always forget to POST these things :s like i did with kazia's birthday, i forgot nicki's :( anyways i'll say it right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST NICKI :)have a great 12th, and i still can't get over the fact that your older than me XD just joking. hope nothing too bad happens during your 12th year, wish you all the happiness and love, from your dear friend, angie :)
i love you so much xxx
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procrastination and more procrastination
i love one tree hill. especially their quotes. even though i'm not really allowed to watch it. :)
THERE'S THIS THING CALLED PROCRASTINATION.
haha. stupid STUPID book report.
freak it. i hate oral presentations. i'm all for writing reports, essays whatever, i can do all that. but i suck at oral reports. damn. why do we have to do oral reports?! such a stupid thing. why can't we just write about it, like we wrote a story?! so much eaasier. so hard to remember. :/ and i'm BORED. even when i have a million things to do. and it's late. :s
SCREW ITUNES. SCREW MY STUPID STUPID COMPUTER. aiya i hate it when things get so complicated like this. just hope my book report goes smoothly tomorrow. :(
signed, yours truly♥
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heyyy guys.
believe it or not, i'm in school :D:D in the library using the school's computers haha. i never knew that the school's comps had webcams :s wow
omg gotta go im so scared gonna get caught.
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TESTS.TESTS.TESTS.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
9:26 PM
today i had two tests. ce yan and mathmate test. and surprisingly, both of them weren't that hard! i was expecting wayy more :/ i think the mathmate test was the easiest. even the question about the cows and bulls, which no one seemed to understand. i couldn't get it in the beginning, but when mr. sanders explained it to us, i figured it out really easily. its just like the game i play at home, mastermind, except way way wayy easier. they practically already give you the answer. the consecutive number question got me stuck for a bit there. i put two, but i'm not sure if that's right :s
HAHAHAHAHAHA. allissa you soooooooo owe me. XPP i just felt like saying that. :D:D to give myself the satisfaction. bahaha. JOKINGG. i really feel like watching a movie right now. but i can't. no movies on weekdays. :(
anyways. got new songss :) and i have to go.
signed, yours truly♥
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jessica fan i miss you dear
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
8:40 PM
this whole post is going to be dedicated to my one and only, jessica fan :)
wow. just wow. i cannot believe they actually did that to you!! it's exactly like what happened last time. but i guess, more heartbreaking for you.. i'm so so soo sorry. never ever wanted you to be sad.. but i guess bad things just keep coming huh. the things people do to become one of the "populars"... do they see what they're doing to you?! i guess not. how can ANYONE think YOUR uncool?!?! it's just unheard of. ridiculous. you're awesome, a really really nice person, can't they see that?! of all people. they're supposed to be your good friends. i guess people just really don't get the meaning of best friends forever, huh. and they definitely don't know what they're missing.
yea sure, they want popularity. but sometimes, popularity isn't everything. correction. popularity ISN'T everything. but people just can't seem to understand that. they have PLENTY of good friends who, without doubt, would be there whenever they needed them. isn't that what best friends are for? what else are you looking for? if you never learn how to be content with what you already have, you'll lose everything in the end. just watch. how can they not see what they're doing to you? life has it's ups and downs, but the reasons for this is just unforgivable. if they had any bit of goodness in them, they'd realize. but i guess, things like this just don't happen.
***
you've always been there for me, even though we live in different countries.
when i say best friends forever, i mean it. and i'm planning to keep my word. whenever you need me, i'll always be here. you can be sure of that. i'll always try my best to cheer you up and brighten your day, even if i'm down. :) miss you like crazy, i wish i could see you!!! just want you to know that, you'll always have a very very special part in my heart. i love you dear :)
even though we're a million miles apart, my heart will always be with youu.
signed, yours truly♥
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happy/sad
Monday, January 12, 2009
8:58 PM
wow. it's the strangest thing. when i'm finally happy, it seems like everyone around me is feeling the opposite. okay never mind. i won't lie i'm not completely happy. but better. and content. and not thinking about the thing that's making me unhappy. i just hate hate hate to see all my really good friends so sad :(
to all of you.
i love you and i hope you guys can try to be happy :) always here for you all.
signed, yours truly♥
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finally finished.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
3:59 PM
OMFG. I FINALLY. FINALLY FINISHED MY SCIENCE HW!!!!! damn that took me a real long time :X argh. so to cheer myself up, im going to do a quiz that alister tagged me in on facebook. ;)
[ ]=you don't do this
[x] = you do this
[ ]You have yelled at an inanimate object for 'hurting' you.
[ ]You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
[ ] You have ran into a tree/bush
[ ] You have been called a "blonde"
[x] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm
[x] You sang them to make sure.
[x] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.
so far: 6
[ ] You have seen the Matrix/Star Wars and still don't get it
[ ]You type with three fingers or less.
[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling
so far: 7
[x] You have fallen asleep in class
[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[x ] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you were talking about.
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice"
so far: 10
[x]You use your fingers to do simple math.
[ ] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[ ] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.
so far: 13
[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't.
[ ] You break a lot of things.
[x] You tilt you're head when you're confused
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[ ] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[x] The word "um" is used many times a day.
[ ] You don't know what "um" means.
[ ] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[ ] You used a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
total: 16
multiply by 3 and repost as "I AM XXX% RETARDED"
I AM 48% RETARDED :) haha im the same as you alister!
so anyways.
i found a bunch of new quotes that i absolutely love. and ill share some with you :) oh and did you know, i have 77 pages of quotes in my fav quotes document :D
"And you're afraid to show a smile 'cause you don't want people to overlook the hurt you have in your heart. And you are so scared that they will start to believe that the pain you feel isn't real."
"smile. let everyone know that today you're a lot stronger than you were yesterday."
"i'm learning to let go; to forgive; to forget grudges. to trust; to hope and to believe the impossible. take a change; attempt a risk; speak your mind. never take life for granted, tomorrow may never come. make the most of what you have and fight for your dreams. i'm learning now to live. to love, and to be loved."
"never be bullied into silence. never allow yourself to be made a victim. accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
"giving up is the easiest thing you could ever do, but holding it all together when everyone expects you to crumble, that is true strength."
"we live in a world of worst case scenarios. we cut ourselves off from hoping for the best, because too many times the best doesn't happen. but every now and then, something extraordinary occurs and suddenly, best case scenarios seem possible. every now and then, something amazing happens and against better judgment, we start to have hope."
"your biggest challenge isn't someone else. it's the ache in your lungs, the burning in your legs and the voice inside you that says "can't." but you don't listen, you push harder. you hear the voice whisper "can" and you discover that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you really are."
"this is for the girls who don't always win. who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things that seem too impossible. the girls that laugh, smile, cry and think on a daily basis. the girls who like, learn and regret. the girls who may never have it easy. the girls who learn the hard way and live to tell about it."
"she's just a teenage girl who's sick of it all. she's tired of girls believing stupid lies and cheating boys. she can't stand how everybody's just looking for someone to hurt and how nobody tells the truth anymore. she's just a teenage girl who wants to go back to the old days."
"i don't forgive people because i'm weak. i forgive them because i'm strong enough to know people make mistakes."
"when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
i love quotes, because when your lost for words to describe how you feel, they do the job. just as music does, when words fail. quotes surround my world, and i love every kind of quote. i'm just that kind of girl, who believes that there's a deeper meaning to everything. i'm just that kind of girl, who believes that there is still something genuine and pure left out there for everyone. i'm just that kind of girl, who's still believing. :)
signed, yours truly♥
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAZIA
Saturday, January 10, 2009
10:30 PM
oops i COMPLETELY forgott!!!! :(
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAZIA :)) have a great 12th, and your older than me :( haha. anyways, hope you get everything you wanted and ily :D xoxo.good night everybody :)
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a message
i just watched the movie australia, in the theatres. sooo damn good :D i love the part where the guy says: without love, you have no story. your living a meaningless life without love.
such a touching movie :)
i can finally honestly say that i feel content. i feel whole. way better than i felt 3 months ago. way waay better. even though we may not be as close as we were before, we have hope. and its okay. im not asking for much. im just glad that we can finally talk without any awkward moments. and our friendship that seemed to be lost weeks ago, is slowly mending. :) even if you guys don't feel the same way, its okay. i still love you all :)
i have something to say to you:
as a loyal friend, i have to say. you probably did the most unforgiving thing ever. how could you just crush her like that? you know she loved you and yet you still leave her in pieces. you might mean well, but the pain is still there. yes, of course, you need time, but that still doesnt cancel the pain shes feeling right now. do you know how hard it is for her? she doesnt even know what she did. at least she deserves a truthful explanation. no actually she deserves more than that. but thats the least you could give her. shes not someone who you can just toy around with then throw away. shes not a toy. do you even know what your doing to her? :s shes my best friend. break her heart and ill break your face. oh wait, you already did. so you better watch out. :X
and i have a message for you dear:
please don't cry! stay strong. i know you can do it. you might think your losing something really dear to you, but sooner or later, he'll realize that too. but then, it'll already be too late. you'll be laughing your head off about some joke and not even thinking about the boy that crushed your heart. and wait till he's sorry that he ever did that to you. but dont worry. everything will be alright. just you wait and see. and whenever you feel lost and helpless, look beside you and ill always be there. we'll always be right beside you whenever you need us. and you can never ever doubt that :) i love you so much. stay strong my dear :)
(credits to cally! ILY.) :)
signed, yours truly♥
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you guys make my world go round
Thursday, January 8, 2009
9:33 PM
anyways. i cant believe this.
my life has flipped 180 in a matter of days. but this time, its flipped for the good :)
i havent felt this happy in months. i'm finally whole again. i can finally smile without having to fake it, i can finally let go of all the pain and regret i've been holding on in my heart.
thanks for forgiving me guys. i am very very sorry. love you all!
sorry for the short post, no time.
signed, yours truly♥
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living in a mixed up world
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
6:07 PM
i still remember the story emma (our camp group leader) told us in camp. it was about warm fuzzies, or however you spell that. its actually a pretty sweet story, like a fairytale sort of story. so basically, everyone needs to be given a warm fuzzy. could be a compliment, a hug, a smile, a shoulder to cry on, a kiss, something that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside :) sry, really random, but that just popped into my mind a few minutes ago.
looking through nicki's blog, again, and i found this quiz. wasn't bothered to really read it last time, so i just wanted to share it with you guys. with my answers ;p sooo..here goes:
STEP ONE:
Spell your name with songs.
Anything but ordinary- Avril Lavigne
Never far behind- Aly & AJ
Given up- Linkin Park
Everytime we touch- Cascada
Leave out all the rest- Linkin Park
Against all odds- Phil Collins
You and me- Lifehouse
All you wanted- Michelle Branch
No average angel- Tiffany Giardina
Goodbyes- Savannah Outen
STEP TWO:
Name: Angela Yang
Birth date: Feb 6
Eye Color: dark brownish black
Hair Color: dark brown
Zodiac Sign: aquarius
STEP THREE:
The shoes you wore today: in the shoerack
Your weaknesses: stuff.
Your fear(s): stuff...
Your perfect pizza: double cheese :)
STEP FOUR:
Your best physical feature: my hair
Your bedtime? before 12?
Most missed memory? i have a lot.
STEP FIVE:
This Or That…
Pepsi or Coke? coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: burger king
Adidas or Nike: both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: neither
STEP SIX:
Do You…Smoke: no
Curse: sometimes
Sing: yes
Dance: only if i have to
Take a shower everyday: yes
Have a crush: maybe
Do you think you’ve been in love?: yes
Want to go to college: yes
Like(d) high school: maybe.
Want to get married: in the future
Think you’re a health freak: err..
Get along with your parents: whats the exact meaning of "get along"?
STEP SEVEN:
In the past month…-
Gone to the mall: nope
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
Eaten Sushi: no
Been on stage: no
Gone skating: no
Made homemade cookies: no
Gone Skinny dipping: no
Stolen anything: no
STEP EIGHT:
Ever…–
Played a game that required removal of clothing: wtf
If so, was it mixed company: wtf
Flashed anyone: wtf
Been beaten up: haha i dont think so.
STEP NINE:–
Age you hope to be married: no idea
Numbers of Children: no idea
What place would you most like to visit? spain and egypt
STEP TEN:
In the opposite sex..–
Best eye color?: dark brown
Best hair color?: dark brown
Short hair or long hair?: erm.
Height: taller than me
STEP ELEVEN:–
Number of people I could trust with my life: zero
Number of CDs that I own: quite a lot
Number of tattoos: 1 :)
Number of piercings: none :(
Personal Quiz
What woke you up this morning? myself
Where are you? in the living room.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day? dunno
Do you like anybody? maybe.
THE PAST
Ever thrown up in public? dont think so
Passed out because of alcohol? no way
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW? you.
THE FUTURE
What kind of home would you like? a beautiful house with a garden and a pool :) haha.
What do you want to be when you grow up? happy.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? in year 12! pfft. where else? - haha i agree with nicki.
IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces? no
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? cant remember
Do you listen to music every day? yeah duh.
Do you still go trick or treating? yes :)
What was the last thing you ate? the awesomest muffin in the world :D
Are you a fast typer? i think so.
Whats your favorite type of soda? CREAM SODA!!
Have you ever moved? 3 times :s
Have you ever won an award? yeah, if medals and certificats count!
Are you listening to music right now? nope.
How long ’till your birthday? exactly a month :)
When were you the saddest in your whole life? this whole time since a long time.
What time is it? almost 8pm
Do you use ebay to buy or sell? nope.
Who makes you mad? my dad
Honestly, do you miss 2007? yes.
HONESTY SECTION
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear? honestly, why should i tell you?
2. Honestly, whats on your mind? you.
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? thinking.
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? i have no idea.
8. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? no one.
9. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? nah.
10. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? my dad
11. Honestly, do you bite your nails? nah.
12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? nope.
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? yes yes yes.
14. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now? i have no idea.
15. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? i dont think so.
17. Honestly, are you in denial? i dont know what that means but maybe.
18. Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? no.
19. Honestly, do you like anyone? maybe.
HAPPY SECTION
1. Are you usually a happy person? before this, yes.
2. What makes you the happiest? music, quotes and my friends.
3. Do you believe in yourself? i hope so.
4. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? hahahaha. yes. :)
wooooww. that was long.
so anyways, since i already gave you guys a long quiz, i guess im done for today. :)
signed, yours truly♥
(a.k.a the long green vegetable XD HAHAHA STAR &TIARA)
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first day of school
Monday, January 5, 2009
8:47 PM
so. first day of school.
today was uneventful, i guess i got through the first day of school without any trouble or drama. oh well, i guess except for the fact that i forgot to bring my student i.d card so i had to sign up for that big card thing :s anyways. im glad the first day is over. i tried to turn on my phone during break, but i found that it wouldnt turn on, and i got scared. i just hope it isnt broken. already :s
i find that im currently obsessed with taylor swift and the fray. i absolutely love the song over my head by the fray, it tells so much of what i feel. and i lovee almost every single song that taylor swift sings. shes absolutely amazing :) my favorites, cold as you, tied together with a smile, a place in this world and breathe. i wish i could sing and write as well as she could.
at break today, sophie was going crazy over some hilarious text message that someone sent her. although she didnt think it was really funny. ;p and then cuz she was saying, who in the world would send a text message like this? and i said, maybe you would and she got all mad at me XD but thats normal sophie reaction, so im not so bothered. haha. and i was talking to A.C on facebook just now, and he was telling me something really really funny i was laughing so hard. he says:
so i was asking a few people what does wtf mean? they think that wtf means what the funny!
PFFFTTT! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. hilarious. and then i said, you asked your dbs friends? and you know what he said to me? of course, who else would be so idiotic! XD lol. soo funny. im still laughing about that.
so i guess that concludes today. :)
signed, yours truly♥
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last day of christmas vacation
Sunday, January 4, 2009
1:29 PM
the last day of vacation before school. and you know what? im glad. i need the stress of school to keep me distracted, from everything. i keep running, but the pain keeps catching up with me. im afraid, im scared. but im not tired yet. too many things have been happening. too many bad, painful things, and i cant seem to find the positive side of any of them. i keep searching, searching for answers, searching for the truth. but i cant seem to get close to finding them. so many unanswered questions, so little answers. so many doubts, so many scary thoughts. i dont know how long it'll take to feel okay again...
even the strong fall down sometimes. even the strong let go sometimes. and one day, you might even see the weakest of the weak stand up. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore. everything i used to be so sure of, i dont know now. i never knew, that everything was falling through, that everyone i knew was waiting on a cue, to turn and run when all i needed was the truth... i wished that it wasnt true. i wished that there was another way we could mend this broken friendship back to the way it was before... and suddenly i become a part of your past...im becoming the part that dont last, im losing you and its effortless... i used to wonder what life would be like without you, i never thought that i'd have to live it. i wondered what life would be like if everything had just stayed the same, and sometimes i still wish that everyone would just forgive and forget. sometimes i dream that we were back in those times, the times that we would make each other laugh, prank call people and just be crazy.
but now i know that im never going to get you back. however much i try. i was a fool for not treating you as well as i should of, for neglecting you when i should of gave you a shoulder to cry on, for not appreciating the good times we had together when something bad came along and ruined it all. seven years, and now its breaking me down, now that i understand theres no one around. i try to tell myself just take a breath, just take a seat. but im still falling apart and tearing at the seams. heaven forbid you end up alone, you dont know why. hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright, i try to tell myself. its on my face, its in my eyes, its in my mind, im thinking of you again. sometimes i wonder how much longer can i go on like this.
shadows fill an empty heart, as love is fading, from all the things that we are but are not saying. change the colors of the sky and open up to the ways you made me feel alive, the ways that i loved you. what about now? what if our love never went away...what if its just lost behind words we could never find... i just wish it wasnt too late. i never wanted this, never wanted this to end, never wanted to see you hurt. every little bump in the road i tried to swerve, but people are people, and sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, it doesnt work out. its two a.m, feeling like i just lost a friend. hope you know its not easy for me. just cant seem to forget about you...
" I'm sick and tired of your reasons
I got no one to believe in
You tell me that you want me, then push me around
And I need you like a heartbeat
Yes, I remember what you said last night
And I know that you see what you're doing to me
Tell me why
Why, tell me why
I take a step back, let you go
I told you i'm not bulletproof
Now you know... "
signed, yours truly♥
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officially 2009.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
3:45 PM
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE :)
its officially 2009. not a good start to it though. i dont know how long it'll take to feel okay again..but i'm trying. but, again, it doesnt seem to be working. every little bad thing just keeps piling up on me. i had hoped i could just forget about my past and start from a new beginning. looks like im not so lucky.
wow. i thought today was going to be easy. smooth. and YOU JUST HAVE TO RUIN IT AGAIN. you know, out of everything you've ever done to me, i think this is the worst. no, actually, YOU ARE THE WORST THING IN MY LIFE. you've lied to me, ruined my life, and just about taken away every happy thought, every belief i ever had. AND YOU SAID YOU CARED. surprise huh. i dont think you even care. at least, you care about HER much more than us. wtf? you dont even know me. you dont know us. you never did. and dont expect us to tell you everything. you gotta find out for yourself. if you bother. you cant buy love. or acceptance. and especially mine. you know, i thought things might be better. but after what i just found out, after every one of my suspicions were confirmed, i really just want you to stay outta my life.
awkward much? why can i not get along, but she can? its not that i dont want to get along. im just not used to the idea yet. and its probably gonna take a very long time till i am. you seem like a nice person, really. but you just dont fit in my world yet. unless your able to prove that your worthy of my love, i dont give a damn about you. and i can be very very stubborn when i want to, just like my sister. for now, you have ruined my life too. all of this, is for her. so you might be wondering why i should care so much. after all, kids shouldnt worry about what happened with their parents right? yea. thats what i thought too. yet you still drag me into your world. you dont even belong. you never did. YOU NEVER TRIED. the main reason for all this, is simply because SHES THE ONE WHO CARED ALL THESE YEARS. and you? NOTHING. you don't know anything about my life. AT ALL. you don't even BOTHER.
you hurt her. you hurt me. you said you "like" me. sure. sure. i totally believe that. you "like" me, but you "love" her. WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN. i want you to be happy, but this isnt working out. you lied to me. you've made me cry, you've ruined my life. and im never going to forgive you for that. ever. and here i was, thinking you were better than that. so i was wrong. AGAIN.
signed, yours truly♥
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Angie here. I have a much much longer name but I'll leave it as it is for the sake of internet safety precautions.
:) 5 things you should know about me: 
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