the last day of vacation before school. and you know what? im glad. i need the stress of school to keep me distracted, from everything. i keep running, but the pain keeps catching up with me. im afraid, im scared. but im not tired yet. too many things have been happening. too many bad, painful things, and i cant seem to find the positive side of any of them. i keep searching, searching for answers, searching for the truth. but i cant seem to get close to finding them. so many unanswered questions, so little answers. so many doubts, so many scary thoughts. i dont know how long it'll take to feel okay again...

even the strong fall down sometimes. even the strong let go sometimes. and one day, you might even see the weakest of the weak stand up. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore. everything i used to be so sure of, i dont know now. i never knew, that everything was falling through, that everyone i knew was waiting on a cue, to turn and run when all i needed was the truth... i wished that it wasnt true. i wished that there was another way we could mend this broken friendship back to the way it was before... and suddenly i become a part of your past...im becoming the part that dont last, im losing you and its effortless... i used to wonder what life would be like without you, i never thought that i'd have to live it. i wondered what life would be like if everything had just stayed the same, and sometimes i still wish that everyone would just forgive and forget. sometimes i dream that we were back in those times, the times that we would make each other laugh, prank call people and just be crazy.

but now i know that im never going to get you back. however much i try. i was a fool for not treating you as well as i should of, for neglecting you when i should of gave you a shoulder to cry on, for not appreciating the good times we had together when something bad came along and ruined it all. seven years, and now its breaking me down, now that i understand theres no one around. i try to tell myself just take a breath, just take a seat. but im still falling apart and tearing at the seams. heaven forbid you end up alone, you dont know why. hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright, i try to tell myself. its on my face, its in my eyes, its in my mind, im thinking of you again. sometimes i wonder how much longer can i go on like this.

shadows fill an empty heart, as love is fading, from all the things that we are but are not saying. change the colors of the sky and open up to the ways you made me feel alive, the ways that i loved you. what about now? what if our love never went away...what if its just lost behind words we could never find... i just wish it wasnt too late. i never wanted this, never wanted this to end, never wanted to see you hurt. every little bump in the road i tried to swerve, but people are people, and sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, it doesnt work out. its two a.m, feeling like i just lost a friend. hope you know its not easy for me. just cant seem to forget about you...

signed, yours truly♥