screw this.
why can't i be happy? is it too much to ask? i'm trying, i really am, but its just not working. i hate this place. i hate everything about it. and i hate that thats not true. i hate you for making me miserable. this whole place depresses me. and the rock in my heart just keeps crushing me. everything you do, just makes me mad. when i feel a tear coming, even when i try to control it, the pain doesn't stop. it hurts do you know that.
i dream. i wish. but i know, reality is just that cruel. my mom told me that no one holds the key to my happiness, but myself. and i know that. but its hard to try to be happy when you don't even want to try. i know i need to move on, to accept the truth and just live with it the best i can, but i just don't know how. i don't know why you make me so mad. i don't know why i keep crying. but i hate the fact that i have to pretend in front of you. i hate the fact that i have to pretend FOR you. i hate the fact that you don't know, and never will know how i feel. about anything. i hate the fact, that even though your supposed to be what your supposed to be, you never act like it. i hate the fact no matter how many lies you tell, no matter how many times i cry, no matter how many times i break down, no matter how many lies i have to cover, i have to deal with it. i don't even have a choice.
is it too much to ask, for you just to TRY? and when i have to do all this for you? is it too much to ask, for you just to even pretend?! your acting sucks. i see through all your lies, because the truth is always in front of my face. you don't even know half of what i feel. you never do. how do i say, how to i explain this hurt? how do i tell you that i'm crushed, that i'm breaking down, bit by bit, until all that's left of me is just this mask that i cling onto, afraid of ever letting anyone know my weakness. i stare out the window, just to try and block my thoughts of you and her. do you know how many changes i had to go through? so this is what i'd like to say to you. FCK YOU. YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE SO BADLY. AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT. YOU SAY YOU CARE. PROVE IT. SO FAR, YOU HAVEN'T DONE A VERY GOOD JOB OF IT. IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT US, FINE. SEE IF I CARE. WHY DO WE NEED YOU TO KEEP RUINING OUR HAPPINESS. WHAT IS YOUR F'ING PROBLEM. YOU DON'T KNOW THE FEELING. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD CALLED HURT. CALLED SADNESS. AND I'VE FELT IT ALL. BUT YOU NEVER EVER EVER WILL KNOW.
glad i got that over with. if you ever read this, THAT IS HOW I FEEL. and i don't regret saying it. and thank you soo much alliss. your awesome and i love you so much :)
sherise:
i'm so so sooo sry about what you have to go through.. i just wish everything could be better for you..or at least have a permanent answer.. not just hanging on a thread, and you never know whether it's going this way or that. i know how you feel...but don't let them ruin your happiness okays? you have EVERY RIGHT to feel good and happy, so just ignore them as best you can. at least it doesnt hurt to try yeah? you know you can do it. if you need help, i'm always here for you. i'll always want you to be happy :) stay strong m'dear :) love you forever xxxx
sometimes adults can take advantage of an innocent heart. but we know we're stronger than that. and we can prove it. because we've got each other.
signed, yours truly♥
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Angie here. I have a much much longer name but I'll leave it as it is for the sake of internet safety precautions.
:) 5 things you should know about me: