i had THE BEST time last night guys (:

thanks for inviting me to your party sher & jo, I LOVE CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC <3>

AND YOU TOO :D

happy birthday joelle darling.

even though i don't know you much, and you've only been here this year, its been great having you around :) YOU ARE SUPER PRETTYYY AND I LOVE YOU. :) thanks for everything. i had sooo much funnn :D

**

i'm sorry i made it sound like it was all your fault. but i want you to know i know that it's probably partly my fault too. truth is, i really don't want to continue like this. its getting quite tiring and i can't stand seeing you there but not being able to talk to you like we used to. your still my best friend and i still love you. i wish things would just be different. i just want you to tell you this. you love him and he loves you too. i would never ever ever want to stand in your way. i'm not that kind of person. and i have no intention of doing that. i totally understand why you'd doubt me like that. its okay. i hate the feeling too. i just want you to know that i support you guys, and him and i are just going to be friends. thats all we're ever going to be, and i am perfectly happy like that. i would never want to change it. so, i guess i just have to say, i'm sorry. and i truly mean it. this is a messed up year for all of us, and i'm glad you have him to help you along :) i'm really not being sarcastic. seriously. Maybe I was stupid, for telling you goodbye. Maybe I was wrong, for tryin' to pick a fight. I know that I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too. Either way I found out I'm nothing without you. i just hope you can understand. and forgive me this one last time. oh and one more thing, i miss you.

***

you've asked me that twice already. the other time i had an answer that i was sure of, but now i can't say anymore. i don't even know myself. but i think i can honestly say there's something there, that i didn't feel before. i don't say it out loud, and my mind is trying its hardest to deny my heart. the worst thing about this is that i know your feelings won't last. it's always like that. you say one thing, but the next thing that i find, is that your gone. i can't stand another broken heart. i just know, that if my heart breaks one more time, it will be too much. i know i'm strong, but i can't take everything on my shoulders at once. but its hard to bottle up what your really feeling inside. but i'm trying. when you leave, i might just feel the tiniest fraction less of pain than last time. though i highly doubt i'd find enough things to distract me for that long..

signed, yours truly♥